Lessons from the BeTA Retreat... Self Care Is NOT Optional!

This post is also available at my new website Trauma Mama Drama.  If you enjoy reading my blog, remember to update your feeds, emails and bookmarks with the new link, because eventually I will only post updates on the new site's blog.

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I have written before on the importance of self-care, but my weekend at the BeTA Retreat really drove that message home for me.

Before I left, I was in one of my "dark places." I felt frustrated every time I took a breath and my face ached from all the frowning and brow furrowing I'd been doing. I was losing my temper with the kids on an almost-daily basis and once again questioning my decision to willingly sign up for life as a Trauma Mama.

One week before I got in my car and drove to Florida, I had a panic attack that sent me to my knees in my kitchen. The cause? Middle and Little threw a toy while they were playing.

Clearly I was physically drained and mentally exhausted. I was in desperate need of self-care.

But self-care is hard to accomplish in my house. There is always some crisis with the children I have to help manage. I have to organize and take three children to their many, many, many appointments. I have to converse with teachers on a near-daily basis regarding some unhappy incident that occurred during the school day. I have to make sure I'm taking time to keep my marriage healthy and not neglecting my husband and make sure he's not getting overloaded as well. So I ignore my own needs for entirely too long.

The result? An unhappy Trauma Mama, unhappy kids, unhappy home.

It's hard for me to remember that when I take time to care for myself I am doing everyone a favor. I am much more likely to handle trauma-related behaviors when I have nourished my own mind and body with self-care. I also stop hyper-focusing on negative behaviors when I've had a short break from the onslaught of drama the kids like to throw at me... And this allows me to enjoy my kids instead of simply managing them.

Many thanks to this Trauma Mama for letting me use this image, and for introducing me to Riunite wine... A nightly glass (maybe two on the really rough days!) of that has become part of my daily self-care routine. Relaxing and tasty!

Many thanks to this Trauma Mama for allowing me to use her image capturing her appointment with a henna tattoo artist (who also happens to be a Trauma Mama!) - beautiful self-care that provided a reminder of the weekend for days after the event's conclusion. She inspires me with her unconditional love for her children no matter how challenging the behavior can get from time to time.

So. Self-care is not optional. You must do something for yourself on a regular basis or you will crash and burn. I'm shooting for more self-care and have started with the following:

1. Drink a glass of wine with dinner - two on those super stressful days.
2. Ask for quiet time after the kids go to bed (Husband likes to start "adulting" and chatting immediately after we tuck the kids in and I prefer an hour or so alone to calm down. I never asked for this before because I was afraid I would hurt his feelings... But I learned at the BeTA Retreat that I need my alone time... and I need to ask for it.
3. Blogging, and writing in general. All my life, I've dreamed of becoming a real-life, bona fide author... But my schedule and the current state of the publishing industry has made that goal a little tricky. Blogging and writing articles for various webzines fulfills my need to express myself and it also allows me to share the effects of early-childhood trauma with the world (or, if not the world, the people who visit my blog or read my articles published elsewhere). And I'm pleased to discover that it's just as satisfying as I imagined publishing a novel would be!
4. Coloring. Adult coloring books are awesome. And I even sometimes find that coloring with my kids on our giant Pirasta posters offers me a chance to catch my breath and relax!
5. Taking a shower. When I was pregnant with Oldest, I swore I'd never fall into the "haggard mom who can not remember to clean herself because she's so overworked" category of moms... But a lot of the time I will catch a whiff of myself and realize that I haven't showered in three, maybe four, days. Seriously. You can't feel good if you are grimy. Fact. I plan on adding daily makeup once I increase my showering frequency.
6. Reading. I really need to start reading for fun again. Break out the Jodi Piccoult, it's time to relax!

One of my BeTA friends did my make-up for the boudoir photos I had done via Sheri Rouse. Oooh la la!

I'm finally taking self-care seriously. Are you? What do you do to practice self-care? Leave your tips in the comments!